After posting the other night I went back to our bedroom. My husband Joe was watching a movie. With each change of scene, the music would change. It struck me. Why don't we have a soundtrack that plays music to fit the mood or foreshadow what is soon to happen? Would it help or would it hinder? When might the notes have changed to signal that cells were growing wild in Brandon's sinus? Might we have known to seek help months or even years before? What happy music might have played in the background during periods when there appeared to be NED (no evidence of disease)? Would an occasional jarring note or two have been interjected, telling us that this happiness was to be short lived? What would have played those last few precious months when we could see his body failing, yet we all thought he had more time than what was given? Would the soundtrack that presaged Brandon's death have interfered with our ability to enjoy the time we had left with him still in our world?
Questions, questions, questions - questions with no answers.