What is a “Bereaved” Mother?

I don’t know how I’m supposed to be. I’m not strong, yet people tell me I am. They don’t know me. Perhaps, I don’t know me.

I am so broken. So broken. Am I such a pretender that some think I’m strong when I am very far from it? I don’t mean to pretend, but maybe I do. I don’t try – I don’t like – to wear the pain of this grief for all. I don’t think it’s everyone’s business. But also, I’m not always in my pain. I’m shocked at how it can compartmentalize – sometimes on purpose and sometimes without thinking.

I just miss him. I miss who he was as my little guy and who he became as an adult. I miss my Brandon and every big and little thing that means. I want him back and I know that can’t happen.

I just miss him so, I ache…